i want some funny dirty jokes a can say around my friends or a story? or maybe something just for me to read? any good dirty stories? thanks (:
Little boy blue
hey, he needed the money...
(it's an edited version of an old nursery rhyme)
Chuck Norris, Mr.T, and Justin Bieber were caught speeding and were pulled over by a cop. The cop said he would not arrest them, if when he measured their penis's, it added up to 21 inches. So the cop measures each of their penis's. Chuck Norris was 10 inches, Mr.T was 10 inches, and Justin Bieber was 1 inch. Since they all added up to 21 inches, the cop leaves without arresting them and they get back in their car.
Chuck Norris: "You all better be glad I have a 10 inch penis"
Mr.T: "You all better be glad I have a 10 inch penis"
Justin Bieber: "You better be glad I had a b*ner!!!"
These jokes make me laugh so much hope they do to to you :D
Jokes come from other users who posted hilarious jokes on Yahoo! Answers
While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back...?"
Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.
While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, 'Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?'
The father replies, 'I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!'
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" dirty jokes funny storieshe asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
Three men walk into a cave, and hear a voice from the back.
"I'm coming to get you! And I'm going to eat you!"
The first man runs away.
They hear the voice again.
"I'm getting closer! And I'm going to eat you!"
The second man runs away.
The voice comes once more.
"I've nearly got you! And I'm going to eat you!"
The last man bravely walks on.
And at the very back of the cave, he finds a small boy picking his nose.
A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.
"Hey, hows it going?"
Not wanting to be rude, he replied, "Not too bad thanks."
A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.
"What are you up to?"
Somewhat reluctantly, he replied, "Having a quick sh*t, what about you?"
He heard the voice again.
"Hold on, I'm going to have to call you back. There's some wise a.ss in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Shelly. Shelly was very girly and liked wearing pretty skirts. She wore skirts every day.
One day at school, a young boy named Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym. So Shelly did.
When Shelly got home, she told her mom about her day, and included the part about the jungle gym.
"Shelly, don't do that. He might just be trying to look at your underwear." said her mother.
What the big deal was, Shelly didn't understand.
The next day Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym again. So she did.
Shelly again told her mother about her day, including the jungle gym moment.
"Didn't I tell you, young lady?" fumed her mother. "He just wants to see your underwear!"
"But Mommy, I tricked him," said Shelly. "Today I didn't wear any underwear!"
A guy walks into the bar and the white bartender says, we don't serve colored people .
The man replies, I don't understand why you white people call us colored because :
When I born, I black.
When I grow up, I black.
When I go in sun, I black.
When I cold, I black.
When I scared, I black.
When I sick, I black.
And when I die, I still black.
You white folks
When you born, you pink.
When you gdirty jokes funny storiesrow up, you white.
When you go in sun, you red.
When you cold, you blue.
When you scared, you yellow.
When you sick, you green.
When you bruised, you purple.
And when you die, you gray.
There was a red man and a green man the red man invites the green man over to dinner while cooking dinner the red man goes to freshen up a bit in the shower but the green man comes early while the red man was in the shower he heard the door so put a towel around him and answered it but as he opened it a big gust of wind came and blew the towel away... the green man ran across the road and got hit by a bus. The moral of the story is don't cross the road when the red man is flashing!
Source(s):
Users on Yahoo! Answers that posted jokes. These are jokes that I have personally liked.
guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
there was an old man on a nude beach and for some reason a little girl walks by and so the man grabs a newspaper to cover his wang wang, the little girl asks whats under there? he said its a birdie so he was starting to get tired so he went to sleep. than he woke up in the hospital in tremendous pain..he asked the doctors what happened and they said idk and then they asked him what was the last thing he remembered doing and he said talking to this little girl and so they asked her what happened and she said i went to pet the birdie but it spit on me so i broke its neck, burnt its nest, and killed its 2 babies
How do you find an old man in the dark?
It isn't hard.
Roses are red
Pickles are green
I love your legs
and what's between
:D
What is cheaper than a date?
A rubber glove.
how do you dress a di....kk?
put a condom on it.
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